Shane Falco is a former All-American quarterback who played for Ohio State University. Although his college career ended after a traumatizing defeat in the Sugar Bow, where he lost by a crushing 45 points, he was picked up in the pros by San Diego. He was soon nicknamed "footsteps" for his failure to complete passes and his tendency to dump the ball quickly to avoid the contact his weak offensive line was unable to hold off. His lack of nerves — and two concussions — led him to quit the game, until the day coach Jimmy McGinty offered him the job as starting quarterback for the Washington Sentinels.

Jimmy McGinty is the former head coach of the Washington Sentinels. Having once led the Sentinals to championship glory, he's called out of retirement by team owner Edward O’Neil. Now, however, he's got the dubious task of training a team of rag-tag replacement players to win enough consecutive games just to make it to the playoffs.

When you think of receivers, greats like Jerry Rice and Chris Carter probably come to mind. Clifford Franklin's name probably doesn't ring a bell. The starting replacement receiver for the Washington Sentinels, he's swift with his mouth and his feet, but he's really more likely to catch a cold than a football.

Who better to take to the football field than an ex-cop? And who can put more passion into the game than an ex-psychotic? Daniel Bateman is both, and he brings his own hard-nosed brand of justice to the game. One just has to hope he doesn't kill anyone.

The World Cup is any soccer player's dream, and Nigel Gruff was no exception. But Nigel's life of gambling, pub crawling and chain smoking has ended any chances of him ever getting to that pinnacle of professional sport. Nonetheless, as the replacement kicker for the Sentinals there's no reason he can't show the Americans what football's all about.

As rapper O.D.B. is rushed to the stage for a Wu Tang-Clan performance, his two bodyguards get an ill-timed phone call. Brothers Jamal and Andre Jackson take the call, and immediately take the opportunity to become part of the offensive line for the Washington Sentinels — and leave poor O.D.B. to fend for himself. Jamal and Andre bring their hard-edged style and muscle to the game (as well as a nine-millimeter Jamal totes around, just in case).

For Jumbo Fumiko, football should be easy. A sumo wrestler recruited for his fierce competitiveness and size, Jumbo takes the fundamentals of the Japanese sport and translates it onto the football field to become a one-man immovable force.

You're standing in the huddle, waiting for a play to be called. The crowd's roaring and cheering your name. "Smith!" "Smith!" "Smith!" You're a god-damned professional football player — you can't do it unless you love it. Or you're actually an inmate of a correctional facility, you've been placed in the custody of the coach of the Washington Sentinels for the next five weeks, and you're wearing some player's uniform with the name "Smith" written on the back to conceal your real identity, which is convicted felon Earl Wilkinson. The team has released a bio stating you've got no high school or college education, you've been a resident of the state of Maryland for the past two years, and you like to embroider. Who are you to argue?

Finally, there's Walter Cochran, a born-again Christian that joins the team, wielding his Bible and preaching the word of the Lord on and off the field. God is on his side.

Who's on the side of the rest of the team, of course, is a different question.